Page 91 - SBV (English)

Pre-Sannyäsa Period 31

appeared in this plane. How may those who are preoccupied
with worldly lust, anger, and so on, ever know him? 7
And:
I have been busy within this temporal sphere trying to bring
sense gratification within the grasp of my hand. I often
thought that by obtaining the objects of sensual enjoyment
all my shortcomings would be fulfilled. Certainly I attained
various rarely achieved goals, but my own personal deficiencies
were never mitigated. In this material world I have had the
association of very high-class, wellborn people, but noting
their multiple inadequacies, I could not offer them praise.
Seeing me in such a lamentable condition at such a time
of adversity, the most merciful Lord Gaurasundara gave
permission to His two dearest devotees [Çréla Bhaktivinoda
Öhäkura and Çréla Gaura Kiçora däsa Bäbäjé] to grant their
blessings to me. Because I was always intoxicated with worldly
false ego, wanting to be lauded again and again, I was depriving
myself of my own true benefit. But due to the influence of
pious activities enacted in previous births, I came in contact
with Çréla Bhaktivinoda Öhäkura, my spiritual well-wisher. My
prabhu, Çréla Gaura Kiçora däsa Bäbäjé, would often visit Çréla
Bhaktivinoda Öhäkura and stay with him. Out of compassion
for others, Çréla Bhaktivinoda Öhäkura pointed out my prabhu,
Çréla Gaura Kiçora däsa Bäbäjé, upon seeing whom the extent
of my worldly false ego diminished. I knew that all living
entities who have taken the human form of life were fallen
and low like myself. But by gradually observing the spiritual
fiber of my master, I realized that only a Vaiñëava could reside
on this mortal plane and be of exemplary character. 8
My gurudeva mercifully told me, “Reject your knowledge,
purity, and aristocracy and come close to me. Don’t go
anywhere else. Whatever you require—as many rooms,
houses, palaces, and mansions, as much scholarship, skills,
self-control, and renunciation—you will get. Simply come
close to me. ‘Let there be a house, let there be an entrance,
let there be learning’—do not be enamored by this type of