Page 90 - SBV (English)

30 Çré Bhaktisiddhänta Vaibhava

Humbly and sincerely I prayed to the Supreme Lord for His
mercy. Later, by His grace I recognized that without receiving
the blessings of this peerless saint and without serving him,
nothing good could happen to me. When I accepted that and
acted accordingly, and then received the causeless unlimited
grace of my çré-gurudeva and refuge at his lotus feet, I deemed
my life fulfilled.

I had considered my gurudeva to be unequalled in vairägya
but somewhat short of learning. But he reduced to powder my
audacity born of book learning. With the mallet of his mercy
he revealed that whatever I had adjudged to be the highest
ideal was in fact most low and despicable. When by his grace
that instruction first entered my ears, my dimunitive brain
lacked the capacity to accommodate such transcendental
knowledge. But to all fools like me, he gave the chance to hear
such lofty topics. 5

I have understood that if the people of this world do not
receive the same jolt that I received from my gurudeva, then
their consciousness will not awaken. Therefore I am telling
everyone, “I am more foolish than anyone else on earth.
Please, all of you, do not be foolish like me. Do not live your
life within the limitation of calculating consciousness. Discuss
Vaikuëöha-kathä and you will become a great person. I am
telling you what I have realized to be supremely beneficial. 6
Although Bäbäjé Mahäräja always strictly forbad anyone to touch his
feet, once he voluntarily placed them on Çré Siddhänta Sarasvaté’s head and
ordered him, “Preach the absolute truth, keeping aside all other activities,” thus
confirming his disciple’s life mission.

Regard for Çré Gurudeva

Referring to this incident in later years, Çré Siddhänta Sarasvaté
commented:
On receiving a jerk of the lotus feet of Çré Gurudeva, for the
span of one year I lost all sense of this external cosmos. I do not
know whether any transcendental agent equal to him has ever